A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
