I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
