My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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