I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
