Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
