How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
