I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize