he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Houston, we have a blender
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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