Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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