you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
