Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
