Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
