I have demons in me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
