She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
