At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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