Don't make out with my wife yet
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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