Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
