I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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