I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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