we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
