I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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