Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
