I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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