Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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