I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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