The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
