Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
