I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
