my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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