Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
