after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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