the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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