I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
