Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
