We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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