He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
