We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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