Apparently you make a good broom.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
