Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
