sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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