i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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