i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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