I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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