Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
