I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
