Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
