Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize