if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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