Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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