I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
