he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
