You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
