I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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