you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
