You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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