I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
