come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
