On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
