Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
