just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
