$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am one with the molecules
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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