I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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