this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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