if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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