Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
