OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
